»i forgive you« by natalie lauchlan

i know i’m not falling behind on my schoolwork, but i feel like i’m slacking somewhat because some of the material is difficult to retain. like my philosophy class, i understand it while i’m in lecture, but once i come home to read assignments and take notes, i’m at a loss. earlier today i had a friend who had taken the course in her time at school, tell me his exams are really challenging. so my anxiety just sky rocketed. my statistics course and biopsychology course take up 50% of my time, but i can comprehend what i’m studying. and my astronomy class is an introductory class, so it’s not much to process what we went over in the lesson(s). i don’t know, i’m so determined to do well, and when i feel as though i’m not reaching my full potential, i’m devastated. but, i’m wondering if the hard work i’m putting into my studies is all i’m capable of, and it’s not good enough to stay at my university. i have a plan in my mind for my future and i know that i can make it happen, it just takes time. and i think that it’s waiting that’s making me feel as though i’m falling behind, as if i’m missing something that i’m not exactly certain can be found.